


There is a Conspiracy of Empty Plastic Bags

by Ayantiel



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Gen, Plastic Bags, Transdimensial Portals, dog park
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-11
Updated: 2013-10-11
Packaged: 2017-12-29 02:30:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayantiel/pseuds/Ayantiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the creative writing workshop back at uni. This week the theme was 'Dares from a Hat'. My dare was 'There is a conspiracy of empty plastic bags', so naturally I wrote Night Vale fanfiction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There is a Conspiracy of Empty Plastic Bags

Beauty is only skin deep. Collect your skin. Share it with your partner. Share it with your children. Share it with your neighbour. Share your beauty with the world. Cut off your skin.  
Welcome.... to Night Vale.

[cue intro music]

Hello listeners,  
something strange has happened in our beloved town. All plastic bags seem to have disappeared. It has caused a bit of an inconvenience for our local supermarkets and for some households. Old woman Josie called in to tell us that the angels – which City Council reminds us, do not in fact exist – have been helping her pick up cans of food from her kitchen floor. She told us that when she got home, her pantry door was wide open and the contents of the plastic bag which she had kept there, were spread out on the floor, the bag itself missing like all the others.

The Sherriff's Secret Police has issued a statement to not worry about the plastic bags and to not go looking for them.

 _'There is no cause for alarm.'_ said their spokesperson.  
 _'I mean, what harm could a plastic bag do? Well – aside from choking you and ensnaring you and dragging you off to their torture chambers. Just be glad that they haven't grown fangs..... yet. Anyone who has been into contact with plastic bags in the last 48 hours are asked to report to city council for tortu- err- polite interrogation.'_

See, listeners? Our brave men and women from the Sherriff's Secret Police are on the case, working tirelessly to keep our community safe. 

....

And now, a word from our sponsors

_Tired? Can't sleep?_   
_Are the neighbours children keeping you awake?_   
_Call Geoff's Exorcism Squad_   
_available all days of the year, 24/7_   
_…. except on holidays, sundays, and best call during business hours._   
_So neither all days of the year, nor 24/7_

....

This is just in listeners. John Peters, you know the Farmer, has just informed us that the plastic bags seem to be gathering in the Dog Park.  
[ eerie music starts playing in the background ]  
We're not sure what this means or what the plastic bags are planning, but they seem to have gathered in a circle and are rustling together rhythmically as a form of chanting.  
I remind you to not go fetch your plastic bags as people are not allowed in the dog park. Dogs are not allowed in the dog park. No one is allowed in the dog park. The dog park will not harm you. [music stops abruptly]

....

And now.... the weather.

[ Cold Play's Viva La Vida starts playing ]

....

There has been a new development, dear listeners.

A portal has appeared in the dog park, it is dark purple and pulses with a frightful energy, leaving any who are nearby feeling empty and afraid. With rapid rustling of their plastic bodies like a cheer, the plastic bags have entered the portal one after another and have now left this plain of existence. As soon as the last bag entered, the portal pulsed one last time before imploding in on itself and disappearing.

Well listeners, it seems like we will have to make do without plastic bags from now on. But aside from the inconvenience, perhaps it is a good thing, dear listeners. After all, plastic bags are hardly good for the environment. Perhaps we can all learn from this experience and take better care of mother nature.

Good night, Night Vale....  
Good night.

[cue end music]

**Author's Note:**

> Someone suggested I turn this into an actual podfic. So I might do that if I actually manage it ^_^' Wish me luck!


End file.
